Kenney Rogers' 3 Simple Steps to Happiness

Friday, July 23, 2010

I learned the key to a happiness by catching Kenny Rogers on Oprah several years ago. He's had a pretty good life and said that there are three simple things you need to be happy. You need someone to love, something to do and something to look forward to. Easy enough to remember, I have held onto that advice and reference it often.

Whenever I am feeling down, I ask myself which of those three things are out of balance in my life. I can always narrow it down to one of them and try to make adjustments. I most often struggle with the imbalance over the summer when I am very busy for everyone else and my needs are not being met.

As a teacher I have number two covered from September to June. Always something to DO. Get up, get everyone moving and out the door and spend the day sharing my love of art with young people. Being that I like what I am doing, that is an extra bonus that Kenny never even mentioned. Another perk of teaching is the built in something to look forward to. As soon as school starts in the fall, you are looking forward to the first long weekend, then the first holiday, then the possibility of a snow day and so on. It is one continuous looking forward. While the summer seems like a no brainer, simply looking forward to not having to go to work, you really need to be proactive with filling that void with other things.

In the past I have tried to keep the calendar as free as possible, and just take the summer day by day. I learned several years ago that having nothing to look forward to is a surefire way to depression and boredom for all. I then began scheduling activities to get my children out of the house. I begin working on my Summer Sanity Plan in March and reserve them each places in as many camps as they will agree to and I can afford. But again, by mid August there seems to be some unhappiness on my part. It usually catches me of guard. While I am busier than ever running my kids all over, I have nothing fun in my life to look forward to.

This year I decided that I needed to have as many things for myself to look forward to as my children do. I have stopped feeling guilty and have made a regular standing Wednesday night date with a friend just to have something to look forward to each week. I try to plan ahead and make dates to do other things and put them on the calendar. A movie night with a group of moms and our daughters, a pedicure with my sister in law, shopping after a dr. appointment. Just something in writing to be able to look forward to.

This is something that I have tried to teach my children as well. If they have something to look forward to it can make all the difference in their moods. Sometimes something as simple as a new outfit will be enough to get my daughter out of bed on a Thursday morning. Just today, a breakfast sandwich got my son out of bed two hours earlier than usual. Ever wonder why you can't get your kids out of bed on a school morning but they are up and bouncing on a Saturday or on a day that school has been canceled due to a snowstorm? Hmmm....something to think about.

Sometimes the something to look forward to also encompasses loving people and doing things so it kind of is like killing 3 birds with one stone. So if it were me writing Kenny's three steps I may think about rearranging the order. Because if I have nothing to look forward to, I am not in the mood to show anyone any love...and I certainly want to DO nothing because I am simply NOT HAPPY!

Good Night Moon

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Like my friend, John Mayer, I try to recognize the moment, before the moment is gone. I have always been aware of the final time something is about to happen. I try to hold onto and memorize it, so I can recall every vivid detail when I revisit the past. Sometimes we know when the sand is running out of the hour glass, but often we aren't aware until it has passed. We then look back on it and wish we could remember it better. The further back in our memory, the more faded it becomes.

Last month, I closed the door to my Art Emporium. I knew this would be the last time and spent an extra minute or two, door knob in hand, looking into the room with the happiest of memories as I closed it for the very last time. I knew the day was coming and I had time to prepare and let go.

But what about when we don't have that time to prepare? What about when a change happens quietly and we never recognize the moment as being the final time? I used to wonder, when my children were little, when would be the final time that I would read Good Night Moon to them? They loved it and we read it frequently, searching for the mouse on each page with my nose buried in their freshly shampooed hair. I would take in the smell, their warmth, and wonder," Could tonight be it? Could tonight be the last time we read this story together?" Maybe then a week would pass and we would read it again, or even a month. But it always seemed to resurface every once in a while.

The thought would come and go and eventually the baby books were moved out of their rooms to make room for John Deer tractors and American Girl dolls. The thought about Good Night Moon then turned into wondering when the last time would be that my son would make tractor noises and plow fields in our living room. Now I watch my daughter and her friends with their dolls and wonder when the last time will be that they play with them. Will I know? Or will it simply, smoothly, seamlessly flow into the next thing that they move onto?

These things tend to overlap ever so subtly that we may not be able to reach back and remember the very last time. For that I am grateful. There are times to say good bye and come to terms with the last dance and there are times to hold onto it as a beautiful part of our past that really never leaves our heart. ~Susan

Do we really stand alone?

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I think it is so important to be able to stop and look at where you've been. Whether it is looking back at last night, last week or last year, all of those moments in time hold a key to where we stand at this moment.

Sometimes we wonder how quickly something can change, but if we look back, there are usually signs along the way, that maybe we overlooked. Things don't usually happen as fast as we think. We are just slow to notice the small changes leading up to the big wave that knocks us off our feet.

I try so hard to let my emotions be my guide. To go with my instinct. I am usually never disappointed. Disappointment only happens when we look back at what we didn't do when we felt deep down that it was right all along.

What are our emotions anyway? Are they just that little voice inside? And if so, who is that? Such mystery surrounding our alter ego, that sixth sense. I believe that once we are on the other side of this world, this loud, busy, stressful, confusing, painfully happy place, it will all be so simple. Right now we are so lost inside the static that we can't see how simple it all is. Someone can though. Someone is trying to lead us. Maybe not always to the right choice, but the choice that makes sense several more chapters into our life. It isn't for us to look to the past and wish we could change a choice made, but to accept it today and trust that it will make sense at some point down the road. ~Susan

Laws of Illusion

Sunday, July 18, 2010

One of the things that I love about the moon, is that it isn't always as it appears. She has many faces and shows only part of herself at any given time. While her phases are predictable, she is able to hold onto some spontaneity by appearing at any time of the day or night, or not at all. She can come and go as she pleases, depending on the weather or her mood if you will. She can eclipse the sun and she sparks the creativity of hundreds of songwriters, artists and writers.

Sometimes I feel like the moon controls my moods along with the ocean tides. I can be happy and high one week, confident and mouthy the next. The third week is my most trying, as I warn everyone ahead of time that I am emotional, irrational and at my lowest. Its effects are so lasting that I don't even have words to describe the fourth week other than recovery from the third.

As a woman I can relate to the moon and the fact that the only thing that stays the same about her is change. I have been listening to Sarah McLachlan's new CD this past month, Laws of Illusion, her first since 2003. For Sarah herself, this period was a time of profound change and renewed discovery. “I think when you go into a dark place for a while and you come out of it, the lightness you feel is…euphoric.”

This reminds me that nothing in life is as it appears. We may think that we have things all figured out only to learn that we were wrong. Life is ever changing and always gets the last laugh. The laws of illusion are actually there to guide us if we are open to change and trusting in a world beyond the one we know. For it is that world after all, that guides the universe and the souls who call it home. One illusion after another, day after day, page after page.

Life Lessons with Katy

Friday, July 16, 2010

Katy Perry really has it figured out when telling us that she liked it when she kissed a girl. Ya know...the more I think about it...wouldn't life just be so much less complicated without boys? Us girls know how to communicate with each other...we know what we like, we know what to say and we know when to say it. We know how to have fun and we know when the fun needs to be over.

But what Katy needs to work on is worrying about what her boyfriend thinks. WHO CARES? If she feels like trying something then she should go for it without worrying about whether or not he will mind. He probably doesn't know what he likes anyway...because he most likely never shares his feelings.

Us women outlive men in the end anyway, so we'll all be stuck with each other sooner or later. Then it's just us, playing cards, going on bus tours, lunch dates and volunteering at church. So may as well start now...have fun while we can still remember it! ~Susan

Wasting time is never time wasted...

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Self Indulgence...is it okay to spoil ourselves once in a while? To love ourselves? To put ourselves on the priority list? Many people struggle with that question. By the time they tend to everyone else's needs, there is no time or room for their own. Over time this wears on us. It ages, it weakens, it destroys.

While I whole heartedly enjoy doing for and making others happy, I do not leave myself off the list. As a young Mother, I didn't do that as much and would wait until I got to the breaking point before going off and taking a little time for myself. By then it was just a band aid on a full blown battle wound, more in need of a surgical procedure. After that I got better at scheduling time for myself. That way when the breaking point neared, I had something to look forward to. I figured out that ME TIME has to be scheduled and written on the calendar like a dr. appointment.

Now that my kids are older, I schedule as much ME TIME as I do FUN TIME for them. I am not talking about a week away or anything, but just a few hours with a girl friend after dinner for wine and laughs. Or maybe a simple bouquet of roses at the grocery store. A new CD with time to listen and reflect can work and my writing is always a beautiful escape for me as well. If all else fails, a locked door works nicely too. There I can lose myself with a bottle of nail polish or a glass of wine.

Mental health is so key to our overall health. It keeps us physically healthy and young. Sometimes you can even disguise time alone to unwind as exercise! And when no one is looking, just plain old time to waste, putting your feet up!

Synchronizing with Sting

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Today I traveled back in time to 1983. Synchronicity by the Police. An incredible album. An incredible time in my life. Sixteen years old and everything to look forward to. This album began the summer of my first kiss which was set to the sound track of Every Breath You Take. He was my first boyfriend and I had him wrapped around my finger. That summer I realized that my childhood best friend's loss of innocence meant she would become a mother that winter, timed perfectly with the release of King of Pain. So many memories on this black vinyl disc with the primary color brush strokes. Each song can take me back to a different place along the time line of my junior year of high school.

That fall I was head over heels with my second boyfriend. I was so caught up in the din of my rice krispies...that I couldn't hear a single thing at all... I was too busy heaving tea in the Sahara to see the writing on the wall.

That album still holds such a special place in my heart. My youth, so much undiscovered me. So when I learned that Sting was releasing a new album today, titled Symphonicities...I was more than curious. I was more than intrigued. I wanted more than an iTunes download. I wanted to hold it in my hands and take it in as I had taken in Synchronicity more than 27 years ago.

I slid it in the cd player in the car on the way home. All 12 songs written by Sting, he reimagined them musically with an orchestra. The emotion that washed over me when I heard Every Little Thing She does is Magic with such intense orchestral passion brought me to tears. The tears carried me right through When We Dance and my heart actually skipped a beat and my breathing became shallow when I heard his hauntingly obsessive version of Roxanne. While first glancing at the 12 titles, I was disappointed to see that Every Breath You Take had not made the cut. When I read the insert, I learned that the feel and emotion of my favorite song was actually woven into the re-do of Roxanne. I had an entirely new impression of Roxanne after hearing that.

While Synchronicity to me is 16, sleep overs, homework and making out with my boyfriend, Symphonicites is 43, wine and soul searching with girl friends, my teaching career and tantric sex with my love. Synchronicity is young- t-shirts, jeans and casual while Symphonicities is mature, black tie and sophisticated. I am just head over heels with this chance to go back and relive the music of my youth in such a grown up way.

Who Says?

Monday, July 12, 2010

Who says you have to wait till after sunset for a little skinny dipping? Sunset is just a state of mind anyway. Just like it's 5:00 somewhere. Who makes up those rules anyway? Someone who lived a ho hum life obviously. As John Mayer asks, who says he can't get stoned ? Why can't he just damn well do as he pleases and make himself happy? Who says he can't be free from all the things that he used to be? He wants to rewrite his history and just be free.

An after hours swim sans clothing is about as free a feeling as you can get if you aren't going to go off and get stoned. Actually, it is a pretty good high, with or without a few glasses of wine. While each one of us has a little bit of John Mayer's WHO SAYS attitude inside, we know we can't live that way. There are rules to follow. Rules of society, rules of ...well, just rules. And it is especially hard to do the right thing when so many people around us live the life of John and just focus on being in control of the pleasure in their life.

But in the end, we all want to be able to say that we tried our best while still having some fun and happiness in life. We just have to be careful who we splash while swimming... ~Susan

The Fisherman Within Ourselves

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Sometimes when we feel that something is missing in life, we go fishing. We might not be sure of what we are fishing for and we might not even be aware of what exactly is missing. It is an emptiness that leads us to the water and when we arrive we find that we are holding onto a pole. It feels so right in our hands and gives them something to do while thoughts get lost and the raging river hydrates the soul. When something bites we snap out of the fog to reel it in. A connection to something outside of ourselves is made and an overwhelming excitement kicks in as we wait to find out what it is. Then we have to decide whether it is worth keeping or if it has to be tossed back. Does this fish hold the answers to our questions in life? Will this fish satisfy our hunger? Sometimes we have to let ourselves off the hook and let God decide. ~Susan

Hickory Dickory Dock...

Saturday, July 10, 2010

By the time I recognize this moment....this moment will be gone. - John Mayer

Oh how often that line from the song Clarity runs through my mind. As we sail through life we don't make an effort to stop the pendulum and truly take in a moment. Not just the obvious big moments, but the little ones that are hardly worth a second glance. I am talking about the simple, the every day.

It can be very meditative to listen beyond the noise and focus on the static. While taking in the emotional feelings behind the senses, we get to know our inner self. We connect with a world just past reality, but not quite insanity.

By stopping time long enough to realize the way a good cup of coffee feels in my hands, I appreciate the taste more. When I notice how the summer humidity curls my 9 year old's hair, she is 2 in my mind again. As I see the morning sunlight reflecting color in the cat's black fur, I revisit a childhood memory. These are the little things that I try to lose myself in. These beautiful moments happen repeatedly throughout the day but we're too busy or tired to enjoy them.

These kinds of observations come naturally to artists, I believe. It is what sets us apart from our left brained friends who struggle with creativity. As I sit to write these daily foot notes, I am often shocked at how they seem to write themselves. I usually start out with a plan but by the end, have taken a completely different route. That is because I am letting my inner self out to play, dancing just on the border between reality and insanity, as the mouse runs up the clock. ~Sue

Between the Baskets of Life

Friday, July 9, 2010

While putting the final things in place earlier, I stood surrounded by the intricately woven details of my past. Having hosed years of dust and cobwebs off of them in the heavy air of last night, I was able to see them in a new light today. Baskets of varying sizes, shapes and textures, each one telling a story of the date written on the bottom. Each signature is my own, however, I noticed that each one spoke a different language. Some, just three initials, while others, both of my last names, in proud, elegant script. The one thing all of these baskets have in common is that they were made by a different me. A me who was not yet a mother. A me who had yet to know that side of myself. A me not yet discovered.

As we go through life, leaving a trail of reminders of our past, it is important to stop and examine the things we leave behind. They hold many keys and insight to who we are today, how much we have grown and how they have shaped the person we are right now. Without those reminders to reflect on, we may forget that we are a work of art in progress. Mistakes are made, new things are learned and we become more comfortable with who we are. At least, that is how it is supposed to work.

As I look ahead to tomorrow to that self I have yet to discover, I can't help but to wonder about the things I will look back on that I leave behind today. I have always felt that our lives have already been written and we are just turning a page each day. Another day, another woven detail in the basket of life. ~Susan

52 Reasons to Stop and Reflect

Wednesday, July 7 and Thursday, July 8, 2010

Sometimes while caught up in a task, our mind busy and involved in just what we are doing, a little distraction will carry us away. Unfortunately for me, this can happen regularly and greatly inhibits me from getting things accomplished. As frustrating as it is in dealing with some similar issues with my son, I can relate to his inability to snap himself back into the world he needs to be in.

One such distraction these last few days was the number 52 chalked on the back of our hutch. Throughout my life, the number 52 has followed me around. It pops up now and then and when it does, I look around to see if there is some sign from the other side that I should be cluing into. My very first address was 52 Varick Street and my mother pointed out the coincidence when my associate number was 52 at my very first job. I will notice it when I happen to look at my odometer as it is flipping to 52 or when a grocery total is $152.52. It sounds silly, but that number happens to me frequently.

The diamond in my engagement ring is listed on my appraisal paperwork as weighing .52 carats. Shortly after getting married, we went to an auction in hopes to find a small hutch as extra storage for our kitchen and were assigned the number, yes of course, 52. I hadn't thought about that in a long time, and noticed it, still chalked on the back of the hutch while moving furniture around this week. A little distraction in the sweat of the 90+ degree heatwave to put the day into perspective. To realize that the day and the days events are not simply on their own, but form a brushstroke in the entire painting that is my life.

Simplify: Clear the Clutter

Monday, July 5 & Tuesday, July 6, 2010

How does it happen? It sneaks up on us without us even knowing it. Clutter. Overwhelming amounts of stuff. While it happens little by little and tells the story of our lives, you don't realize what you've got till you pull it all down and put it in one spot. It weighs us down and creates that feeling of not knowing where to begin to put it all back together. Should you simply return everything to where it was before? Not thinking about it, just blindly going back as it all once was? Or do you use this time to look at it all rearrange it to make it work better? To readjust and remove what is no longer working as it once did. Change can be difficult and it can be so hard to let go of what once worked and still may, only doesn't meet our needs as it once did. But it is important every now and then to go through this process and cleanse the soul. Change does not have to happen all at once and sometimes we live with things for a while longer because we aren't sure where to put them or can't possibly let go just yet. And you know what? There is nothing wrong with that.

Reaching Above the Unwanted

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars...Casey Kasem...top 40 Countdown, circa 1980.

Funny how I sit down to write these with an idea of where I am heading, but the photo takes me down a different path. Sometimes I believe that I don't really write these pieces, but a wiser soul is speaking through my fingers. My need to write, a desire so strong, I cannot fight, is like a current that just carries me along. I ride it and it takes me to new places.

On Sunday we celebrated the 4th of July with the usual fanfare. Good friends, too much wine, yummy food and breathtaking fireworks over the lake. This year while celebrating all that is great about America, our home sweet home, we also said goodbye to the Unwanted. Cheryl and I spent the school year sharing custody of a necklace that no one wanted. We wore it, we photographed it, we wrote about it. Slowly it began to wear us, take us places and force us to face some unwanted things about our personal lives.

The Unwanted symbolized a lot of unwanted things in our lives at work. While we spoke through the necklace about all that was wrong and unbalanced there, the necklace began to speak to us about how to make it through. It showed us how to look at things differently, turn things around and make peace with what we were given. This unwanted, ugly necklace brought new understanding to our lives. It showed us how beautiful we can be if we separate ourselves from the negativity.

As we lowered the Unwanted into the fire pit, we watched the flames engulf it. It burned proudly all evening, holding on till the very end. As we end our journey with the necklace, we remember that as long as we stay grounded, we will always be able to reach high, and attain our goals. As long as they are goals that truly mean something to us. ~Susan

Soul Impressions

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Tonight I was pondering a line from one of Jack Johnson's songs, Angel, off of his Sleep Through the Static album. While telling us about the love of his life, he sings: "We share the same soul, Oooh oh oh oh....we share the same soul..." While I have heard this song dozens of times, I don't think I ever really paid attention to that line. But it spoke to my heart tonight, as I pondered the different ways there are to be connected to someone.

We all know how we can share DNA with someone and not feel any kind of bond at all. Then we can meet a perfect stranger and feel as if we are twins, separated at birth. It makes me wonder about soul mates. Those who have been lucky enough to experience this connectedness, believe it exists. To everyone else it is simply a fantasy, folklore, pie in the sky. Soul mates come in many different packages. Could be a lover, could be a best friend, could be a relative even. But when you have that connection, you know it. There is no doubt in your mind that the 2 of you were cut from the same piece of cloth.

I do believe it is even possible to share a soul with someone in ways that you don't want to. Following in someones footsteps if you will, down the wrong path. Making the same mistakes that they did, even though you vowed that you wouldn't. The thing is, when it comes to the soul, we have very little control. When we follow our heart, we don't have the ability to think or act logically as we do when we use our head. But in the end, where is our happiness? Something to ponder.

I also spend time wondering about bonds we may share with people we have never met. When I look at a piece of art I sometimes feel that I know the artist, even though he or she may have lived long before I was born. When I chose the tattoo that I proudly wear on the inside of my right ankle, I feel as if it actually chose me. It was a personal struggle to choose the perfect image that would be a permanent declaration of my inner artist self. When it found me, it spoke to me in a language without words. I feel a bond with the cave artist who lived in what is today Lascaux, France, 15,000 years ago. I feel his or her presence every day and know that someday our creative souls will meet.

So whether we follow the footsteps of an Angel or an Artist or an Aunt...may we always try to be true to ourselves, listen to our heart and protect those who will someday follow our footsteps.
~Susan

The right way to remove the wrinkles...

Friday, July 2, 2010

Isn't it ironic, don't ya think...how sometimes we do things completely out of habits formed way back in childhood? When I iron, for instance, I stand with the ironing board coming out of the wall from my left and iron using my left hand. I am a very right handed person and prefer doing most everything else in life with my right hand and having things to my right. I chose the right side of the bed and the sink on the right side of the vanity is mine. I like to sit on the right side of a theater or the church, and always chose a seat on the right side of a classroom to sit. It just feels right to me.

But for some reason the ironing is out in left field somewhere. When I learned to iron, living in my childhood home on Murray St. we always stood inside the laundry room facing out, which put the ironing board to the left and felt most comfortable with the iron in my left hand. Perhaps this was so that we could watch TV in the family room while ironing? Not really sure. But all these years later, it is what feels right to me.

It is hard to break those habits formed in childhood regarding what feels right. But sometimes those things we learned, or at least internalized as a child, aren't always what is right for us today as grown ups making our own decisions about our lives. Too bad our life problems weren't as easy to iron out as the wrinkles in our clothes! ~Susan

Food for Thought...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Sometimes we get into a routine that we are comfortable with and it suddenly changes. We go through a period of withdraw and try desperately to hold on to the past. Once we realize that we can't go back, no matter how dependent we were, we have to find happiness in something new.

If we're lucky, once we settle into something else, we discover that it is even better than what we once had. Isn't it always then, that we stumble across our old love? It comes back again, available to us if our desire is still there? What then? Do we go back? Do we remain strong and walk away for good? Are we tempted to give it one last whirl, to compare and see if it was as good as we always thought it was? Some deep food for thought here.... ~Susan